Mama Drama

I have been judged as a mother since the minute I arrived at the hospital in labour...

Recently I came across an link on FB to a great blog - Brooding - I read it and instantly was brought back to all the same feelings this mom was talking about. I remember arriving at the hospital almost 5 years ago when I was in labour with Taylor and once they decided I was in active labour I was sent to my delivery room. The the nurse who cared for me was nice and pleasant and started with her questions...It was like being in an interview while having back labour and contractions right on top of each other..also known as hell.

Is this you 1st pregnancy?
What type of room would you like?
How much do you weigh?
Is this your husband?
Are you planning on breastfeeding baby? - This is when it happened...I was not prepared...

My answer to her question was "I am going to try - But I will probably use formula as well"...She looked at me and without even saying a word noted what I had said down on my chart - But it was the look on her face, the way she raised her eyebrow - I felt judged. After Taylor was delivered she told me that seeing as though this was my first babe, maybe I wasn't aware that breast milk was best and that it wasn't a good idea "in her opinion" to offer her formula - my feeling of being judged was confirmed. Since that moment and my 2nd daughter delivered - The judgment has not stopped - I am also guilty.

I am actually shocked at what people will do or say or give you 'advice' on...It amazes me that a perfect stranger walked up to my soundly sleeping 3 month old and took her pacifier out of her mouth and continued to tell her ~ in baby talk ~ that her mommy shouldn't let her have that dirty thing in her mouth and how would she ever learn how to talk with this disgusting thing in her mouth constantly??... It was one of those moments when something is SO SHOCKING that I froze and didn't know what to say...so I took the pacifier back and just walked away. Judged.

Or the time I was in Superstore and Taylor threw an epic temper tantrum complete with kicking the floor, screaming at the most disturbing high pitch and ripping stuff off the shelves - I found a stool and placed her on a timeout in the aisle and let her finish her tantrum there while I watch from about 15 feet away. I was proud of myself for my first public timeout and how I was surprisingly calm, cool and collected! Enter the other shopper who took it upon herself to ask me just what I thought I was doing to my child leaving her there screaming "MOMMY!!!" she said, and I quote "this is terrible, your child is screaming for you, she needs you...why on earth would you put her through that and make her sit there??!!". Judged.

I of course am not innocent in the judging department....It is human nature. We all do it and are of course not thinking of what that mother may be going through in her life. (we act like of course we've never done the very things we are judging for...not me right??) 
Every time I find myself subconsciously judging another mother I see out and about, I am consciously going to change my thinking.

The mother with her toddler not properly dressed for the bone chilling cold - Perhaps she can't afford gloves for her son.

The mother with the screaming kid at the grocery store late at night - Perhaps she's a single mom who went to school all day and worked into the evening past dinner and this is her only time to buy a few groceries.

The mother with the kid having an end of the world temper tantrum in the middle of the mall - Perhaps her child has had a rough day, this is their hundredth meltdown of the day and that mother just doesn't have the energy to deal for a few minutes - and on top of that it also took her 45 minutes to get 3 kids bundled, in the car and to the mall and she is not leaving until she pick up what she needed.


These are just a few of the things that I have caught myself judging other mothers on - even though I have been that mother with the freaking out kids .... I have still found myself having these thoughts. It is no way to be...why are we this way? If each of us just take a minute, sit back and just remember that every mother out there has the same hopes and dreams for their children...to be happy and healthy.

Motherhood is tough, rugged, sometimes not pretty but at the end of each day - no matter what kind of day I had with my girls....I know tomorrow is another day and we'll try again for a tantrum free day, an in bed earlier day, a guilt free day. Is there such a thing as a guilt free day as a mother - I have not some across it!

We need to be more understanding of one another, more open to admitting that life is messy and imperfect and so is motherhood, and willing to ask for help and accept it when it's offered.

I am so blessed to have a wonderful circle of mama's that I am raising my kids with. I have known most of these ladies for close to 18 years. It feels so wonderful that I have a supportive group of friends and I don't have feel bad if they happen to witness one of my crazy, insane moments. 5 minutes later we share and enjoy the good ones!

Don't be so hard on yourself or other mothers - You just never know what someone else is enduring.